Showing posts with label sad. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sad. Show all posts

Wednesday 15 March 2017

The Departed List (updated to 12)

On 12 January 2011, my Facebook friend and former classmate at MRSM Kuantan, Roswati Abdul Wahab wrote a note in her FB page. In it, she listed out the names of our friends from the MCE/SPM 1979 batch who have departed ahead of us. At the time she wrote that piece, I already had some inkling of her intentions. It was a poignant reminder that our time on this Earth was only temporary and that we would be leaving it behind none too soon. Roswati herself was under treatment for liver cancer.

When she left us in October 2012 while performing her hajj in Makkah (which I wrote about here), I made a copy of her note and amended it by adding her name. She became the 10th name on the list.

Last week on 6 March 2017, after a lapse of more than four years, I made the latest amendments to the list. But this time, adding two names at one go. Indeed, the Almighty has written it to be so...

At 4.35am, our friend Puan Noorleha Darus exhaled her last breath in Johor Bahru. At 9.30pm, our friend Sdra Azmi Abdul Samad passed away in Seremban. Both succumbed to the vagaries of cancer.

The photograph below was taken in 2012 at the residence of our batchmate, Capt Norhisham Kassim, for the Aidilfitri gathering of that year. The late Azmi was standing at the back, 8th from the right as we view it. The late Noorleha was sitting at the front, 1st from the right. The late Roswati was sitting 2nd from the left.

May Allah swt have mercy on their souls and place them amongst the soliheen...

K79 2012 Raya gathering at Norhisham's

Saturday 3 November 2012

The passing of a kind-hearted soul

I had always thought that when the eventual event happens, I would be ready. I had rehearsed it over and over again in my mind, on how I would react to the situation. But I guess in the end, the shock and utter sadness of it will always overcome whatever preparedness we think we have.

My good friend and former classmate from secondary school, Roswati Abdul Wahab, went to Makkah to perform the hajj last month... but she is not coming back. She passed away three days ago.

Roswati and I studied at MRSM Kuantan. Apart from being classmates, both of us were active in the publication bureau of the school's student body. After completing our MCE exams in 1979, we lost touch with each other. She continued her studies at a local university while I went overseas.

In July of 2010 we re-discovered each other, thanks to Facebook of course. We exchanged news and met up again in reunions and gatherings. During the past two years, I learned more about what happened in her life during the `lost' 31 years. She got married while still at university, bore 3 children (a girl and twin boys), started work as a computer programmer in the private sector but ended up being a mathematics teacher in government schools. Some years ago, she was diagnosed with liver cancer. And as if that is not enough of a misfortune, her husband left her for another woman. Sudah jatuh ditimpa tangga...

Despite those challenges plus many more, she soldiered on with her life, always putting on a brave front to mask her suffering inside. She ventured out on a quest to search and re-discover old friends (especially the girls) from our MRSM days. I have a database of all the students in our batch which I used to help her recall names of long-lost friends. There were 121 students in the MCE/SPM 1979 batch, consisting of 87 guys and 34 girls. With the aid of Facebook plus a lot of actual legwork, she managed to track down all of the girls but one. But she did not just stop at being re-connected in cyberspace. She made the effort of actually visiting these friends to meet them in person, even though they are spread all over Malaysia. Her travels took her to Kedah, Trengganu, Pahang and Johor. At each meeting of a newly re-discovered friend, she would present a gift of her own handmade brooch (for the girls) and framed photo reprints (for the guys). Photographs taken at these reunions were then uploaded in a series of albums in her Facebook which were titled `Jejak Kawan'. In May of last year, she compiled the photos of all the girls into a collage and had it printed as a poster. Every girl that she re-discovered, got a copy.

All this she did while not being in the best of health... she seldom talk of her sickness with any of the friends. Most of us knew but not many dare broach the subject. I am one of the very few with whom she shares the state of her health.

She was slated for a chemotherapy treatment early next year and so decided that she has to perform the hajj this year. Otherwise, the chemo treatments would prevent her from travelling. At first she approached Tabung Haji to try secure a place but was not successful. She then went to a private travel agency to register under a scheme called Pakej Haji Tanpa Giliran. This package costs almost double of the basic Tabung Haji scheme and even so, is not a sure thing because it depends on the visa approval from the Saudi government. She was then told to wait for confirmation. She waited... and waited... and waited. By the grace of Allah swt, the travel agency managed to secure the visa for travel on the very last day of entry to Makkah for this year's hajj season.

She texted me a few times while she was there, giving brief updates of what she was doing. In her last sms to me on 28 October, she mentioned of having a sore throat and losing stamina. Her text message ended with the words, `Please pray for me...'

I prayed to the Almighty to give her the strength to complete her hajj rituals and to return home safely. But the Almighty loves her more and has chosen for her the final resting place in the holy land of Makkah.

I will miss you dearly, my friend. You had such a kind heart and were an inspiration to most of us. May the Almighty bless your soul and place you in paradise amongst the righteous.

This scanned pic from 1979 showing Roswati (in tudung) sitting next to me
This pic from July this year, my two classmates, Roswati (right) and Suzyanna (left)
The K79 poster girls

Thursday 9 December 2010

May her patience be rewarded

It was on this day last week my wife received a telephone call from someone at her hometown. It was unexpected news. My mother-in-law has passed away while seated at the living room. Her death was discovered by a neighbour who had come to visit my ailing father-in-law.

I say that her demise was unexpected because it is my father-in-law who is the weaker of the two. He is now 95-years old and has been bedridden for more than 4 years. He suffers from most of the ailments inherent of old age but the primary affliction is prostate cancer that I previously wrote about two years ago, here -> Internal plumbing.

My mother-in-law, on the other hand, was still able to move about on her own and except for her history of hypertension, was comparatively in better health. Actually she was not exactly my mother-in-law... because my original one passed away in September 1998. After a year of her passing, my father-in-law remarried another lady because he felt that he still require the companionship. At that time, my new stepmother-in-law, if there is such a term, was already a widow of more than 30 years. It actually puzzled me a bit why she agreed to marry my FIL, because it was quite clear that the ensuing years would entail difficulties. My FIL is not a young man anymore, he can hardly be called wealthy and he is known to be short-tempered.

Over the years of this new marriage, she tried her best to take care of my FIL. As the old man's health deteriorated and his need for attention became more demanding, the challenges became tougher. There were voices of dissatisfaction from both sides of the family. At one instance, some of my wife's brothers even took the drastic attempt of trying to separate them.

But the will of the Almighty is great... the old couple remained together despite the troubles and my stepmother-in-law did her best in carrying out her duties. She may have grumbled a bit, here and there... but that's to be expected. Taking care of an old and temperamental man is not easy work by any means... but she stuck to the job very well. Only Allah swt can repay her for her patience and kindness.

Hajjah Satirah Bt Omar passed away on 2nd December 2010 at the age of 74. May Allah swt bless and protect her soul. Ameen.

Sunday 2 May 2010

It's the end of the run...

Wak Amid is a neighbour of mine who drives a taxi for a living. His youngest son named Yusof, was a close friend of my own youngest son Imran. Two years ago, when Imran joined the Astro Run For Fun activity, Yusof  wanted to tag along too. The story of this run was one of the earliest posts in this blog and can be read here -> Fun Run.

Notice that I referred to Yusof in the past tense...  A few hours ago, I watched Wak Amid bury his son, who passed away last night. Yusof  had been in and out of hospital since the beginning of the year. He had lost his appetite and became frail and skinny. I visited the young man at the Sultan Ismail Hospital, in Pandan, Johor Bahru last weekend and was close to tears at seeing his undernourished body, much like the image of the starving children of Africa. This morning, I could not hold back the tears anymore as I watched family members give their final kisses to the boy before the white sheets of the shroud were tied up for the final time.

Doctors could not really determine the cause of his illness but officially the COD was put down as tuberculosis. Yusof Bin Amid celebrated his 13th birthday in hospital on 31 March 2010.

Ya Allah, ya tuhan kami.... kami mohon kemurahan Mu untuk mengampuni dosa-dosa insan muda ini dan ditempatkan roh beliau di kalangan orang-orang yang beriman.

Running mates - Allahyarham Yusof (L) and Imran (R). Pic taken on 23 March 2008.

Wednesday 7 April 2010

All that's left are the memories

I am a bit unsure on how to start this post. Perhaps I should first apologise for the brief absence from blogosphere. It has taken me a while to get things organized with the shift to a new working environment. Something happened today that has caused me to think about things and put my thoughts in a blog post. But I'll get back to that shortly...

Early this year in January, I posted a story about Two Birthdays. The second birthday in that story is about a close friend of mine named Badique whom I re-connected via Facebook, after losing touch for more than 24 years. We had talked for nearly two hours, mostly re-living the stories of our past when we were studying in the UK... the wild and adventurous years. The visit to my friend's house that day was on the eve of his 48th birthday.

I ended that story with a wish for my friend to recover from his illness and the hope that I would be able to meet up with him again for his next birthday.

That hope is now no longer a possibility... my friend succumbed to his illness and passed away at around 11.15pm last night. This morning, I headed out to Shah Alam to attend the burial. The large number of friends and well-wishers who turned up to pay their last respects is clear evidence that Badique was well-liked as a person. Those who came range from old school-mates, university friends and ex-colleagues.

Throughout the early part of today, my mind is mostly in recall mode... remembering the times we went through together. I revisited Badique's FB profile just now and lifted a photograph from one of his albums to be included in this post.

Four young men in London circa 1980. Badique is the guy on the right with yours truly on the left.

Farewell my friend. I have fond memories of you. May The Almighty place you among the soliheen. Amin.

Thursday 11 February 2010

The second departure in 2010

It was Sunday evening on 7th February. I was already on the PLUS highway heading north to Kuala Lumpur when a text message arrived in my mobile. It was from my wife, informing me of news that an uncle of ours has just passed away.

I stopped at a rest area and then made some phone calls. I called my cousin to get the first-hand news of his father's demise. He told me that he was still at Pontian Hospital and arranging for the body to be brought home to Air Baloi. I then texted my colleague to inform her that I won't be coming to the office the next day.

I resumed my journey but rather than continuing to KL, I exited the highway at Simpang Renggam, turned left towards Benut and onwards to Air Baloi. When I reached my cousin's kampung house, he was not there  yet. It was past 11pm when the hospital van carrying my late uncle's body arrived.

My uncle had not been in good health for quite some time. It was only two weeks earlier that I had a chance meeting with my cousin at Masjid Abu Bakar for Friday prayers and I asked him about his father's health.

I had a look at the death certificate where the doctor had written the COD as pulmonary edema leading to cardiac arrest. In layman's terms, that's an abnormal accumulation of fluid in the lungs leading to a heart failure. My uncle was 81-years old.

Buat Allahyarham Ayahanda Abdul Rahman Bin Rafiee, semuga Allah swt mencucuri rahmat ke atas roh ayahanda dan ditempatkan di kalangan orang-orang yang beriman. Amin.

Tuesday 12 January 2010

The first departure in 2010

On the morning of Sunday 3rd January 2010, I received a call from my sister in Singapore informing me of our uncle's demise. It was a good thing that we decided to come home the night before after sending our son back to college in Shah Alam, otherwise we might have missed the burial.

My uncle's departure is not unexpected. He had been suffering from heart and kidney ailments for quite some time. I last met him during Aidilfitri celebrations in September last year. Although the death occurred more than a week ago, I want to post about it because there are two related topics that I wish to write about. The first is more for personal reflection while the other is for general information.

1. Strengthening family ties

In Johor (and perhaps Melaka too), there are many families similar to mine who have relatives on both sides of the Causeway. This is hardly surprising because Singapore used to be part of Malaysia not too long ago. Before that, both countries were British colonies.

My mother originally comes from Pontian in Johor. When she married my father, the family moved to Singapore. A few of my mother's sisters also did the same and even took up Singaporean citizenship. Some of my mom's siblings remained on the Malaysian side. I therefore have about equal number of relatives on either side. If you are to count the cousins, the second-cousins, the nephews and nieces, it would be a large number indeed.

As is the norm, the extended family members would get to meet each other once in a while during the standard occassions, i.e. weddings, funerals and Hari Raya. Not all family members come under the `close and cordial' category. There are of course some of us who prefer to remain distant, either by choice or by design. That's the nature of human beings, I guess. Some people prefer to be left alone.

In this respect, I have observed that my Singaporean relatives are more cordial than those from Johor. Whenever a Johor family member holds a wedding, many of the Singaporean cousins make the effort to attend. Sadly, it's not quite the same the other way round. I have heard many excuses but the main one is always, `takde passport nak pergi Singapura.' Granted that it costs a few hundred bucks to apply for a passport but if you do use such an excuse, it just shows how much value you place in the importance of forging close family relationships. And my Johor cousins are not desperately poor people either!

Such an excuse was again heard when news of my uncle's death was being passed around. Being based in JB, I became a sort of point-man to relay the news to relatives in Johor and other parts of Malaysia. Those who stay in distant places such as KL and Shah Alam are not expected to come but I would've thought the ones in Johor Bahru could've easily crossed the border. A few came... but many more did not, mostly citing the sorriest excuse ever.

Entahlah... dah tak tahu nak nasihat macam mana lagi...

2. The need to recycle

In one of my earlier posts in July last year, I touched on this subject of Muslim burials in Singapore. The common burial ground for Singaporean Muslims is called Pusara Aman, located on the western side of the island.

Since the past few years, the authorities have revamped the burial plots by constructing pre-cast concrete chambers or boxes laid out in a grid system, each plot assigned a unique number. This way, all the plots have the exact same dimensions and are neatly positioned with no waste of intermediate space.

When the time comes for burial of a body, the lid of the chamber is lifted out using a small mobile crane to reveal a 6-ft deep cavity whose base is lined with sand. The body is then placed on the bottom and another small backhoe fills the chamber with red earth till about half-way level. The final prayers are then said and family members say their last good-byes. When everyone has left, the cemetery workers would later top-up the earth to full level and re-install the lid. Quick and efficient. Not a single cangkul in sight.

Fifteen years later, the remains would be exhumed and grouped together with the remains from seven other plots for re-burial at a smaller space elsewhere. The original plot can be re-used for another body.

Empty plots prepared well in advance

Lifting the lid off from one of the chambers

The eldest grandson saying final prayers for his grandfather

As I have mentioned before, trust the Singaporeans to come up with ingenious ways to solve their limited space problems. I don't think we'll see such a system in use in Malaysia anytime soon but it is something worth considering for overbuilt urban areas such as Kuala Lumpur.

Buat Allahyarham Ayahanda Supian Bin Ahmad, semuga Allah swt mencucuri rahmat ke atas roh ayahanda dan ditempatkan di kalangan orang-orang yang beriman. Amin.